1. “I was an altar boy at my church. After mass when the priest would leave we would drink the wine and eat the unblessed communion bread. That’s the only sin I didn’t tell my priest at confession.”

2. “I always wanted to be tall. My girlfriend is 4’11. I have become a giant. Sometimes we play King Kong. I dress up like an ape and carry her onto the roof of our house and wave at passing planes.”

3. “I think scary movies should warn you if there’s any child ghost in it. There’s nothing worse than half way through a movie and seeing an accounted for ghost.”

4. “I have red hair and freckles; the sun is annoyed with me. Like a bully always smacking me in the back of the neck and leaving me red.”

5. “I have lived in Los Angeles for 10 years. I once got stuck in traffic next to Mel Gibson. He ignored me, while I, in a Scottish accent, yelled ‘is that you William Wallace?’”

6. “I worked on boats most of my childhood. It was the second coolest job I have ever had. Stand-up comedy is my first.”

7. “I enjoy scaring people. I don’t think people use the word ‘boo’ enough.”

8. “If you are ever given the choice of sky diving or bungee jumping, say ‘sky diving’. Trust me. Jumping out of a plane is much easier then jumping off of a bridge. Especially while hearing your friends jokingly yell ‘the rope is too long!’”

9. “If I don’t get a haircut within six weeks, people start calling me Conan O’Brien. The way to tell the difference between Conan O’Brien and me is that I carry a debit card.”

10. “I have always wanted a surprise birthday party. But soon, not when I’m too old to enjoy it. My family had a party for my aunt when she turned 78. We yelled surprise and almost killed her.”

Catch Butch Bradley at Champs on Thu 15, and at TakeOut Comedy Club on Fri 16 & Sat 17.