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I didst hear upon the vine of grapes that a new force stirs in the West of the City. The Place, boasting a tavern on Queens Road Central (Sheung Wan), and a second on Davis Street (Kennedy Town), now opens its third and largest door, The Sports Place on the quiet Street of Forbes, just aroundeth the corner.

‘Twas in the West that I foughteth with The Dark One, Sir Baggott of Stoke, and didst (triumphantly, single-handedly) lift from him the mysterious, shining golden box that now weighs ever-heavier in my manslave’s knapsack. My fears stick deep – could it be that Baggott is opening more and more taverns to attracteth in the remaining eight Lost Nymphs, like moths to a flame? As we ride with haste, the Five Nymphs fluttering about me, this most troubling thought bats about my brain.

Peasants seemeth to be attracted to these bars for their relatively low drinking prices (bottled beers $38/$28HH, good wine for $200 a bottle, spirits for $55/$45HH) and because they are alternative, slightly out-of-town drinkeries, oftenus within walking distance of residential blocks. They be characterised by high tables and coloured seats, mediocre brown décor and musicus poppy playing unobtrusively. They oft possess excellent service of a pubbish sort, with banter aplenty. And that ist about it. Expecteth not fancy interiors, drinky gimmicks or pish-posh clientele. These are taverns relaxed and about enjoying people and supping alcohol.

The Sports Place ist cut from a slightly different loincloth. ‘Tis a great and airiest space, with two largest projection screens, one flatteth screen TV, and two brandeth new, well-spaced American pool tables. The highest bidder can enjoy the VIP room with personal TV for sporteth (or anything you like), a couch, and one-way glass from which one can admireth the pool playing (or maiden-players).

This ist a bar built by men, for men, and methinks ‘twill bring much drunken stumbling to this part of town. ‘Tis a doorstep bar for locales, but wouldst pleaseth an out of towner wishing a change from the swank-bustle of Central. Directly opposite the proposed site for the impending 2012 MTR station, (currently Kennedy Town publicus swimming pool), it leads the way in what wilt doubtless be an aggressive campaign of redevelopment on the street of Forbes and the surrounding area. Sigheth.

I scoure the premises for our Lost Nymphs. Bobbins tugs upon the sleeve of my green velvet cape with his grimy knuckle-rods. Naturally, I reach for my horse-whip. As the pea-brain cowereth underneath the pool table, he pointeth to my shoulder. Upon it lie the Five Found Nymphs, piled awkwardly in a heap of exhausted confusion. Knackered, I’faith! “My sisters and I grow weak Sir Humby”, wheezes Phyllida. “Too long have we spent away from our home, too long away from each other. You must hurry and find our Lost Sisters!”

“Sir ‘Umby, noble Lord” croaks Bobbins, emerging fearfully. “This here goldy box. It been and got heavierer, Sir. And it don’t shine as bright as it did”. Usually silent with fear, Bobbins reveals to me two great and worrying truths. Firsteth, he can speak. Secondeth, the strength of the Nymphs ist fading apace.

Sam Yates

The Sports Place (opens mid November), G/F 36 Forbes Street, Kennedy Town, 2819 6900.
The Place Kennedy Town, 1E Davis Street, 2872 0818
The Place Sheung Wan, 255 Queen’s Road Central, 2815 1558.