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Fresh from his brush with doom, our intrepid chevalier returns to the path of good virtue

Five of the Fourteen Lost Nymphs of Aaria fizzle upon my cheeks, washing my face and trimming away my sin-beard. A crimson set of plump horse-lips lathereth soap into my golden mane, while a pair of hoofs rubbeth away my shoulder pains. A small pair of peasant hands, (‘tis Bobbins, I’faith), shampooeth mine body’s crevices. I am clean.

Bless-ed happiness! I am reunited with my troupe – Tallulah, Rosaline, and their newest found sisters, Phyllida, Allegra and Betty sangeth me a mellifluous welcome-ditty. Bobbins forgaveth me immediately, promptly begging for food and affection. Dan, my retired war-horse, didst ignore me for a time, but I soon won his favour with a well-placed carrot.

Recharged blood rusheth through my veins as we strutteth down Hennessy Road. I sporteth my finest (now tightest) suit of arms. Bobbins weareth his beige tweed sack with carrier-bag hoses. Dan ist adorned with silkiest bluest sash, apparently a giftus from a local peasant-boy. Have you ever seen a horse smile?

A dripplette of warm liquid falls from above, straight down my neck. I shuddereth, and move on. “Stop!” cries the bulbous Betty, catching up from behindeth, her wings flappering at full pelt. “Humby…(pant) it could be a drop of… (pant) it could be a teardrop!” Interjects Phyllida “It’s true Humby! Many nights did I fly above this city, letting salty tears fall to earth in a sad lament!”

Without delay, (after I have loosened my boots, belt and mittens), we ascendeth the nearest building and enter Antique Bar. Immediately the madness and noise of the street below ist forgotten. Worldly, jazziest remixes maketh a rare and classiest soundtrack to this moody tavern. ‘Tis a bit like Feather Boa, but biggereth, and less crowded. We’re all keen for a tipple, so we sitteth at the comfortable bar.

What a finest list of cocktails! The menu ist divided into decade section, from 1870 to 1980 accordingus to when the cocktail was invented, adding a certain buzz to ordering. The Nymphs go for a 1920s Monkey Gland, (gin orange juice, grenadine syrup and absinth for five groats: $75), Bobbins is treated to a 1870s Manhattan(whiskey, sweet vermouth, and bitter, $75), while I go for one of the many tempticious smoothies, the Coco Mango (mango, coconut milk, lime juice, honey and fresh mint, $55).

There are three main areas; a red Parisian nook, a darkest throne-chaired table for five, an orange energeticus zone, and three most romanticul high tables adorned with fine, luscious cloth and candles. Great for post-work work (with free Wi-fi), chilled drinks, a romanticus meeting, or a Saturday night blow-outus (with locally delivered food available), this bar has a strong identity and subtlest charm.

Service ist excellent and mindful, as are the ‘free’ nuts ($10). The bar mannus even gives Bobbins his last two cigarettes. Happiest Hour is 6.30pm to 9.30pm and is two for one on all sups.

S’blood! We cannot lingerest here for long! Our mission is vital, and time presses upon us like god’s sandal. (Let us have one more round and then) Onward!

Antique Bar, 1/F, 353 Hennessy Road, Wan Chai, 3678 3978, www.antiquebar.com.hk.