What’s the status of your relationship with Kermit?
As always, we are deliriously in love. Well actually, I’m in love, and he’s delirious. Our relationship could not be stronger. In fact, as of this year, Kermie and moi have the longest-lasting interspecies romance in Hollywood history.

How do you keep the sparks going?
I do what the Kardashians do: I use a publicist.

What would you do to a lady who threatened to steal your frog?
I cannot imagine that happening, but if it did, well, let moi show you. Hiii-yaaa! There, that sums it up nicely. And don’t worry, the studio will cover the damages.

How did you become the plus-size fashion editor for Vogue Paris?
Vogue Paris had been wooing moi for years. In fact, every time I strolled past their offices, I’d hear ‘woo-woo-woo!’ Very disconcerting for other pedestrians, but I adored the attention. Finally, when I knew I was making my movie The Muppets, I saw a way to combine two of my biggest passions: Hollywood and fashion. Perfectemente, non?

What are the two best tips that you can offer readers?
First, remember that style comes in all sizes, so the bigger you are, the more style you have. And second, draw attention to your best features by pointing at them, and conceal your flaws by sucker punching anyone who mentions them.

Which celebs are you dying to dress for the red carpet?
Other than moi? I don’t really care what any other celebrity is wearing. And frankly, neither do the paparazzi. I have a way of drawing total attention to myself. I like to call it ‘threats’. But there is one celebrity I’d like to dress for the red carpet: moi’s co-star in The Muppets, Amy Adams. Amy looks fabulous in anything. I’d just want to make sure she doesn’t look too fabulous at our premiere.

You lead a busy life. How do you relax?
I do interviews. You’d be surprised how relaxing it is to talk about yourself nonstop.

What are the biggest misconceptions about pigs?
I wouldn’t know, since I’m never asked that question… more than once. Moving on!

Does Gonzo still annoy you or have you two made amends?
Gonzo does still annoy me, and yet at the same time we are best friends in that way famous people pretend to get along when they have no choice. Have we made amends? No. But if you buy me dinner, I’m willing to talk to you.

If you won an Oscar, how would your acceptance speech begin?
“It’s about time!” I’m nothing if not gracious and subtle.

Interview: Tim Lowery