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Since seeing comedian Paul McKenna hypnotise a bunch of compliant tomfoolerers on TV in my childhood, I’ve had a mild obsession with hypnosis and its seemingly magical effects. Want a man to cluck like a chicken? Done. Want a team of teens to tidy your flat? Easy as a click of the fingers. Want a woman to fall in love with you? Er, sorry – you have do that the old-fashioned way: with plenty of wallet-draining trips to eateries.

I’ve often fantasised about being put under; about being sent to a glorious sleep to be in thrall to the power of suggestion: “You’re as strong as an ox!”, or, “You’re the best looking guy in the room!”, or, “You’re hung like a barnacle!” (Before you scoff, consider this: a barnacle has a wang up to 50 times its own body length. I’m 5”10 – you do the math.) But, alas, I’ve never been presented with the opportunity. And that’s where the wonders of columns of dubious virtue come into play. I want to get hypnotised? Easy as a click of the fingers.

Dr Melanie Bryan laughs at me down the phone. “I can’t help you with that!” she says, dismissively. “Just stand up straighter.” (I had told her I wanted to undertake hypnotherapy to address some “issues” I had. When she asked me what those issues were, I hesitated before proffering, “um, bad posture”. Swing and a miss.) Alright, then, I admit, I just want to get hypnotised for the hell of it. We make an appointment, and in the meantime I try to come up with some psychological problems worthy of hypnotic tackling.

By the time I step into Bryan’s home clinic – a converted spare bedroom adorned with a couple of chairs, a small table, and some exotic artwork – I’m armed with a fear of flying, concern about my junk-food-heavy diet, and a binge-drinking problem. Bryan is advanced in years and small in stature, but she is sharp, qualified, and has a tone that indicates she won’t suffer fools.

Before we get into the good stuff, Bryan fires questions at me about my issues. Do I know that pilots don’t pay any more for life insurance than we do? Who’s responsible for my teeth? Is anyone else going to stop me from eating bad food?

She suggests I distract my mind during take-off by reading magazines with lots of pictures, and that I think of my teeth before eating candies and sodas. She also tells me she doesn’t think I have a drinking problem. I like her.

Bryan first took an interest in hypnosis after it cured her of a 50-a-day smoking habit more than 20 years ago. She went on to study hypno-therapy in New York and has been in business in Hong Kong since moving here in 1991, successfully treating hundreds of clients. She says there have been only 12 people she couldn’t hypnotise.

What has been her experience with the powers of hypnosis? “You see rapid change,” she says, “and some people experience a profound sense of release and relief around a painful issue.”

But she moves quickly to dampen my dreams. “Some people have magical expectations for hypnosis, and I’m not a magician,” she says bluntly. (No barnacle penis for me, then.) However, hypnotherapy can be used as a tool to help broaden perspectives and address issues of confidence, such as fear of public speaking, fear of flying, insomnia, and smoking.

I figure that at least it will be a good chance to get out of the office and close my eyes for a bit. Happily, that’s what happens as I put my feet up on a stool and relax as Bryan’s suddenly-mellifluous voice takes me to a place of slow rivers, enjoyable flights, and soda-free utopias. She tells me to start by concentrating on my breathing and urges me to relax each of my body parts step by step, until I’m as heavy as a corpse.

For a while, I can’t shake the abrasive clatter of jackhammers and drills that whinny away outside. I start to think about her looking at me, wondering if she’s noticing that I’m not entranced at all; wondering how I’m going to write about this; wondering if I should be remembering the details so I can reproduce them in print. At this stage, I’d have to say I’m hypnotised – there are too many thoughts swimming in my head.

Eventually, though, I manage to let go and float down a new river of calm. I hear her telling me my muscles have relaxed and that I’ve stopped blinking – that I’ve now entered an altered state. I just feel like I’m falling asleep.

Just when I’m really getting into it – perhaps ten minutes into the therapy – she tells me she’s going to call me out of my trance. “No!” I think to myself and consider waking up to tell her as much. But it’s no use, and after counting backwards from five she tells me to open my eyes and clench my fist (it’s a cue to denote the conclusion of the hypnosis).

“How was it?” she asks.

"Great!” I enthuse. “Really relaxing.”

Truth is, it felt like nothing more than a really good rest. But still, I now can’t look at a Coke without thinking of my teeth, and next time I catch a flight, I’m taking a National Geographic.

Drink, anyone?

Dr Bryan offers hypnotherapy and other mind-related therapies. Info: 2575 7707, drmelanie@mindmatters.hk, www.mindmatters.hk.