Wanted: Single White or Asian Male for long-term mutually beneficial relationship. Please be open-minded, generou$$ and have a large “endowment”. Art-lover a plus.

If you’ve been paying any attention to the art scene at large, you may have noticed that unlike other major international cities Hong Kong has no contemporary art museum. We can run with the best on per capita GDP, but there’s no Tate Modern, no Guggenheim, no MoMA or Whitney in sight. Sure, M+ and the rest of the West Kowloon band keep threatening to open up sometime this decade. But after a week of foreplay at ART HK we’re ready for the main course, and we can’t wait any longer. So here’s a proposal for all of you super-wealthy, over-55, post-mid-life-crisis, legacy-shopping, ultra-HNW (High Net Worth): you may have lost your hair and your first two wives, but trust me when I tell you when it comes to aphrodisiacs, even Viagra falls limp next to these six carefully whispered words: “I’ve got my own art museum.”

That’s right. This is an open call for the biggest of the BSD’s (Big Swinging Dicks) out there to man up and be the first one to establish a private collection or contemporary art museum in perhaps the only major international city to lack one. I mean, how do you think MoMA and the Guggenheim started? Okay not exactly like this, but from private efforts at least. The benefits? For starters, you’d be the first – and I don’t mean the first private contemporary art museum – but actually the first contemporary art museum in Hong Kong; and the way this city’s developing, that’s no small feat. Second, great PR. Remember the press windfall Benjamin Yim got by buying a slice of the Duke of Windsor’s wedding cake? This is like the cake, the dress, and the X-rated wedding night video all in one – you can’t pay for the years of press that would result from this. Finally, there’s the philanthropic angle. By providing a public place to consistently see contemporary art, you’d be improving the lives of generations of Hong Kong people. And after 30 plus years of extracting wealth from Hong Kong, isn’t it time to think about what you’re going to leave behind? I’m sure Charles Saatchi (Saatchi Collection), Toshio Hara (Hara Museum) and Don and Mira Rubell (Rubell Collection), and other private collectors have thought about it.

And how about the costs? Well, I think you could have a respectable start for HK$400million (I did say the biggest of the BSD’s), but with potential sponsorships, incentives, potential tax breaks and the right business plan, you wouldn’t have to go it alone. Done correctly and in 20 years it could eventually run itself. So why not? Sure it’s a bit nuts, but like Seal said, “We’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.” So that’s it – the gauntlet is thrown. Mr. Big, if you’re somewhere out there listening, call me. I’m totally serious. Let’s do this.

Jehan Chu

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